My thoughts on...

Log of an EXCELLENT Day

^-^

Slept until I felt like being awake.

Woke slowly, lolling about.

Watched inspirational youtubestuff (LeijaTurunen).

Researched WWOOF farms in Hawaii and Ireland.  ^-^!!!

Had a MAGICAL walk in the fluffy, gently whirling snow.

Hummed, sang on my way home.

Bought some special foods (apple juice, chocolate chip cookie dough, frozen veggies, spring water!).

Made three cookies (which I ATE! XD!!!!!) and rice/veggies with rosemary and garlic for me & Sean!

Had SUPER loveydovey time with Sean.

Hooped A BUNCH!

Sean worked out and was really pumped to get back into shape.

We had practice sex (LOL!  FOR MY STRENGTH AND ENDURANCE!  We are GENIUSES!).

We had real sex (in the bathtub because I was bleeding everywhere. LOL).

Showered and got cute/sexy.

Danced around!

Made aaaaaaaart!!!

Played/ cuddled with Bittle!

Cleaned the kitchen floor (scrubbadubbied with a clooooooooooth!) and did the dishes!

REIKIED SEAN AS HE WENT TO SLEEEEEEP!

Amazing.

My Reiki class is going to be WONDERFUL.

Sean and Aunt Donna have already shown me that their energetic bodies are preparing for the attunements.

I'm SO happy!!!!!!!!

And at peace.   ♥

Ready for sleeps.

I love you!

 

I LOVE YOU, UNIVERSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I choose this as my destiny:

Humanity living in peace with all beings on our mother, Earth.
We all have perfect health.
We express ourselves and enjoy ourselves and each other.
We have grand adventures and create beautiful things unrestricted.
We live in abundance far beyond "need".
We have simple access through spirit to all we would like.
We have open communication with animals, plants, and all beings.
We are fearless and safe.
We are beautiful, bright, and whole.
We are unique and one.
We live in bright, beautiful colors, perfect comfort in all conditions and circumstances.
We play with colors for fun.
We do everything for fun, love, enjoyment, pleasure, and accept it gratefully to our fullest capacity.
We are as children in a safe place, happy, perfect children.
We choose how to express our physical forms.
We are gods of love walking in the physical in bliss.
We are free and close.
We explore all parts of our reality unlimited.
We choose how much we are limited each moment.
We do all things and we do them effortlessly.
We allow our choices of love to manifest instantly.
We love you.

Dream log.

Class
Erin
parts of self: , , , demons
clothes hanging (sell my clothes here?)
not really clothes, mats for yoga (perfect squish size
Compared to my tiny bed foam for dumb girl
Guy getting flirty/close
phone rings: cool reggae-ish song (mom's calling makes that sound)
funny she'd have that
at her house now, just got there with Sean
Cameron/his family live next door
Sean's spying on them out the window
cameron's mom walking cairn terrier down drive
Sean asks what kind of dog
I look out all "UGH LOOK AT HER TERRIBLE HAIR. SHE'S PRACTICALLY A BALD WOMAN"
his dad was there too, and a naked 40yr old woman
she was really muscular and tan, stretching like a cat
I was upset she was practically in my yard
notice cameron watching me behind a fence
feel really nervous/upset put on blissful face/pretend I didn't notice
suddenly spotted my stepmom/ little bros
felt like I wasn't allowed to look at them either
then I had to laugh because JD's hair was blowing in the wind
STRAIGHT UP exactly like a troll doll
Debbie noticed me laugh
Tried to tell her
She couldn't make out what I was saying
until I tried 3 times or more and got really loud/slow
she's like "OH a cho doll" like some weird slightly blackcent kind of talk
I wondered if it was because she went to elementary school in cleveland
Woke up to phone ringing: 9:06am (Sean)

Bread, Blood, and Beginnings

I have my very first loaf of bread EVER rising in the kitchen.  (Good thing, too.  That's a much better hobby than peeing in the kitchen.)  It's half spelt flour (nifty old KUZN TO WHEAT) and half barley flour.  With a little honey and salt.  And water.  XD  And yeast.

I've been reading The Mists of Avalon, a book I fell in love with around age fifteen.  It's a King Arthur tale told from the perspectives of the women in the story and is a really good, really big book.  XD  When I was describing the really cool old religion of Britain described in there to Jonjon, back in the day, he said it sounded a lot like Wicca, and thus sparked my CPS beginnings.  LOL  So, I hold this book very dear to me.  Every like, three seconds, though, they're having bread and wine and cheese, so I've been craving them for a couple weeks and finally have a good raw cheddar and am about to have my barley bread.  XD  We'll have to hold out on the wine though, as much as I know it would calm and distract me from my cramps.

What is it with my period?  It always starts right when something important is happening.  First date with Sean on Saint Patrick's Day (luckily we had sex BEFORE we went to the parade, when it started ;D).  Two of my Reiki attunements were on my period.  And now the day I go in to talk to Danny funny accent about my new waitressing job.  ^-^!!

I'm really excited, because this is going to be my first part time job.  I realized that the reason why I hated working so much, and why it was so stressful, was because I only ever worked full time.  Same with school.  I had no time or energy to live my life with my newfound moneys.  LOL  This time will be different!

Now, for the first few weeks I'll be working every day (HAHAHAHA OH GOD) so that I can "get good with the menu" and then after that I can just work three or four days a week.  And I said that's fine.  It'll take some practice, because it's LEBANESE FOOD and I have some weird named shit to memorize.   LOL

That's a good thing, yes.  Because then I'll have a good handle on things, and a shit-ton of cash, and a huge amount of relief when I get the schedule I wanted, and perserverence because I know that it's coming.  AND AWESOME FOOD FOR CHEAPER.  ALSO.  Hilariously enough.  It's like, right by a kickass juice bar.  They're another one of those "Oh... you can send us your resume?" places though.  XD  This place was like,"You've worked behind a counter making juice?  ORGANIC JUICE?  WELL WE'RE A HEALTHY RESTAURANT!  And you're cute and friendly?  OKAY!  You're in!"  LOL!  It was the easiest job-getting yet!  The only thing they didn't like was that I didn't wanna be there more often!  ^-^  AND AMBER (manager lady) WAS ALL UNDERSTANDING ABOUT ME WANTING A LIFE AND TO MAKE LOVE TO MY ARTS (and my Sean, though I didn't find that appropriate to mention ;D).

I have cramps.  I want a lower back massage.  I dreamt I was a magical fairy.  I love the world.  ^-^

Been a Busy Bee!

Goodness me,                    

          I've been a busy bee! 

I've spent the last two days scrubbing a barn for ten bucks an hour.  YAY!  And some gardening, housekeeping, antique restoration, animal care, etc.  See, we stopped (last Sunday I think?) at a house a few streets over that had a sign for a farm store up.  Well, when we got there, the lady (Mary) started going on and on about her house, her dogs, her 130 alpacas, and her basement of her historical house that she's turning into a wine tasting room... among other things.  We ended up chatting for over an hour, her boyfriend, Anthony joined us after a bit, and Sean (jack of all trades) offered to do some work making the stone walls in the future-wine-room beauuuutiful. 

So, we stopped by a few more times for vegetables, chatter, and planning, and then Saturday we began the jarbs!  Mary was working alongside me, so we got to know each other better.  She may even have me reiki some of her animals, which would be excellent because her animals are great (especially the baby dohnkeh, named WiFi) and she's loaded, so I'd be able to charge her full price instead of being all "I know you don't really have a lot of money, so just give whatever you can" like I have to with some of my friends.  $60 dollars for an hour session is typical around here for reiki.  One of her doggies has an ear infection, so I mentioned it and she said it's a possibility.  Haven't thrown her numbers though.  But whatever.  She's incredibly generous as it is. 

Also, Sean and I finally got the boot.  Which is great!  Because we're moving to a little hippy area on the edge of the city!  We're getting a beauuuutiful apartment (first floor of a house, really) with 2 bedrooms, lots of space, and even a pretty sun-room with glass doors where I can have my reiki practice.  I'll have SO many customers there because it's seriously the hippy hot spot of the east side.  And there are tons of little Jen-type shops within quick walking distance where I can put up tons of fliers AND get a part time job!  And all the college kids just went back to school (also, we're right by where Sean wants to go to school next semester!) so they'll have just quit their summer jobs, so there will be more openings for me.  XD!

 See, the landlord there, Winslow (not Carl or black, sadly XD), said (last week) that he couldn't hold the place for us unless we gave him first month's rent at least.  Which is 800 dollars.  SOOOO.  We're almost there now.  Sean sold both his guitars and we both worked two days at Mary's, and I offered my money for my contacts I ordered (so now I have to wait to pick them up LOL) and we saved most of our grocery money.  Which is fine because we've got lots of cheap veggies from Mary's ORGANIC GARDEN and she bought us pizza and beer Saturday night. XD  I didn't have any beer until we got home, because I had a glass of really yummy Cabernet Sauvignon  that she wanted to see if I'd like.  She serves it at her Alpaca shows.  XD  It was very grapey and didn't have a strong alcohol taste.  I really liked it.  She also might have Sean play guitar/sing at her alpaca shows.  XD  Once he gets another guitar.  But anyway, just this week we've already saved $740, and he's working at Mary's again tomorrow after work (she didn't really have much more for me to do right now XD), so we'll be able to move out Wednesday if Winslow's down.  LOL

                                                                                                                                                          

But then, Wednesday or Thursday I had my first hangout with my friend Abbey, who I'd kinda hung out with before when Sean brought her over to the diggz last year.  He went to high school with her, and she's awesome.  We went to the woods, and like, as soon as we got there we saw this really cool stump that was all smooth and weird-looking from having been in the water.  And on that stump, we found an owl pellet.  Which we spent the next, like, HOUR dissecting.  XD!!!

We found lots of cool little bones and claws and the like.  It was great.  XD We loved it.  So yeah.  We adventured all about, being amazed by all the weird shtuffs everywhere.  They like... broke the dam a while back, so the water level was super low and we were walking where there used to be lake.  There were shells all over the grass, and lots of really old bottles and fishy holes.  There was even a GLASS gatorade bottle.  AMAZING! 

At one point, we were going near a very squishy muddy area.  So Abbey had the idea to take these big flat rocks and throw them to make a little stepping path to get across!  Well.  We got about half way through, and the rocks started to sink about four inches into the mud as soon as we stepped on them, so we couldn't keep going back for more rocks because they'd sink more each time we went back across.  So, I got the idea to take the first rock we stepped on, and carry it across to the next place we needed one.  Then the second after that, so we were pulling up the first part of our bridge to build the second half.

And as we did this, they'd still be sinking.  I'd be standing on my toes because each side of the rock had half a foot of mud closing in over its edges, while trying to pull the heavy rock next to me up out of the mud that had closed in over it and laughing absolutely hysterically.  Abbey's foot ended up going down into the mud a couple times and she nearly lost her flippity flop in our journey, but it was definitely the best part of the whole adventure.  XD

WE SAW ADORABLE BABY SKWIRLZ AND BATS!  AND I GOT A TURKEY FEATHER THAT IS HUGE AND AMAZING.  We also put woolly bears on our faces and took pictures, chatted philosophy, cuddled a toad, and ended with teatime/toasttime with Sean when we got back.

AND.  Sean's got relatives in West Virginia too!  And his baby cousin, I think, is having a birthday party this weekend.  So, when we took his little brother (6 year old Noah ^-^) to play putt putt a couple weeks ago, his mom invited us to come along!  She's renting a car, and she's scared to drive in unfamiliar cliff-filled territory, so she wanted Sean to drive.  LOL  So we're moving AND going on a road trip this week.

                                               

   Friday                marked    

    six months since my    

first date with Sean on

Saint Patrick's

Day.

My life is so great!       

The Rights of a Cat

Here I question the rights of a cat.  Let us assume that the cat in question is intelligent, quick, adventurous, cautious... or to put it simply, he is capable in all senses, aside from having no front claws.  This cat, however, has a very strange "parent" who insists that he is only allowed outside (in the nice little yard and small wooded area surrounding, which he never leaves) when given parental permission.  The said reason being that he "cannot defend himself with no front claws".  This would seem overprotective, yet reasonable, if it were the actual reason to not let him out unsupervised.  But that is simply not the case.  It is a matter of permission.  It is... Creepy Steve being terrified of losing the only person who loves him (the cat) and simultaneously hoping that I'll start coming up to him to ask to let the cat out. HA!

This is twice now in the last two weeks that he's called me out of my room for some ridiculous reason.  I refuse to let it happen a third.  The first time was a knocking on the door to let me know that he turned off the chicken stock I was letting boil overnight because he's a dumbass, and that I'd have to let it boil all day instead.  The second was him shouting all pissed off,"JEN?  JEN ARE YOU HERE?" whilst I was in the middle of my yoga/pilates dvd to demand to know if I had a problem with him.  It took everything I had to not scream,"YES.  DO YOU KNOW WHY I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH YOU?  THE SAME REASON EVERYONE YOU'VE EVER MET HAS A PROBLEM WITH YOU.  I HAVE MET YOU.  THAT'S ALL IT TAKES."

Instead I tried to bite my tongue and just got all,"Why are you asking me this RIGHT NOW?"  As in, interrupting my important life with your bullshit instead of waiting until you've forgotten about it because it is ridiculous to begin with.  And he goes into his little rant about how he asked me to not let Loki outside, and I'm still letting Loki outside, and he doesn't like that, or whatever.  So, I pulled the mom card.  The "Your mom said I could." card.  BUT THEN.  UGH.  He pulls the "Loki's not my mom's cat." card that made me want to strangle him.  I didn't know what else to do at that point because I knew if I started arguing with him about Loki's rights as a living being, it would cause two very negative outcomes.

• I'd be standing in the room with him longer.
• He'd whine to his mommy about it, and she already doesn't want me to live here.

So I threw a polite bit of, "Your cat, your word goes." in his general direction and made my escape while he laughably suggested that I ask him first when I want to let him out.  Not EVEN in your dreams, creeper.

But anyway, here's my dilemma: 

For Loki's freedom, do I attempt to let him out all the time anyway,  and risk my good terms with Char, and give that douchebag more reasons to try to talk to me? 

Or do I say, "Sorry, kittycat, it was fun while it lasted," and try really hard to not feel guilty every time he sits by the door and looks at me all sad?

Anyway, the most important thing I've learned from all of this is that I have not been ignoring Steve hard enough.  If he thinks I'll come out of my room just because he asks me to, he'll try to do it all the time.  I won't put up with that bullshit.  I won't be coming out again at his beckon unless the house is on fire.  And in that case I'd prefer the window, kthxbai.

Moon Dreeeeeeeams.

Tuesday? NO!
August 24th
2pm

So, Sean took me to the drive-in last night (;D) and we saw Inception, (and some other movie about like, hitmen) which was all about these peeps who were trying to change a guy's mind about something by going into his dreams and making him think that it was his own idea.  Well, Leo DiCaprio has been playing in dreams so much, and started bringing his memories of actual places and people into these dreams, that he started to lose track of what was real and what was the dream world. 

I really, really loved this movie because I can relate so well.  Since I started doing Reiki I've had very similar instances of waking up and realizing that my dream was either equally as real as my waking life, or in some instances more-so (in the sense that I was aware of my interaction with more dimensions of reality than I typically am in my waking life).  I had a dream in March or April about being asleep in the car I had actually fallen asleep in, and waking to find police all around, then waking again in the same place to find more police (and being angry that I hadn't woken Sean and somehow fell back asleep), then woke again to find we were parked somewhere else with a thug smashing the car in with a hammer, then woke AGAIN safe, but having no idea if I was still dreaming this time.  It was confusing, startling, and made it very difficult for me to understand my place for a while. 

I believe that the difference (or lack thereof) can really only be understood through experience.  It's inspired me to play more with my feeble attempts at lucid dreaming and astral projection, which I've had a serious glimmer in my eye about since age fifteen but have severely neglected (as in, only seriously making a conscious attempt or being any amount more aware of it than usual about twice a year).

Anyway, last night was the full moon.  I love full moons, and since Reiki I've become much more connected to these cycles.  I become ecstatic and really energetic all the surrounding nights, and have so much focus on spiritual activities, especially those relating to bringing goodness to the Earth, and acting as channel for moonlight to flow into the Earth in so many ways.  And it gets me very faerie-excited too.  ^-^  I was in full-on celebration mode yesterday.  I picked flowers, made little moon-shaped (spherical) almond cookies, did ritual, stood barefoot in the wet grass feeling the strong wind, and danced!  ^-^  It was looooovely!

Last night I had a dream where I was going through a town (sometimes by car, sometimes by bike, sometimes on foot.  Things change a lot in my dreams.), having to turn around in this small parking lot.  The sun was low, to where everything's a warm orange color.  My form was tall and lean, dressed in smooth, rich-brown colored boots, above-knee skirt, and strips of the same were added to a few stray braids that swung low from my hair.  I was cutting through a woodsy yard on foot where a board-and-rope swing held small boy with a ginger bowl-cut, who was staring at me in quizzical amazement.  "Are you.. a wood elf?"    His eyes widened as he paused in the electrical fire of realization.  "You're a future version of myself!!!"

I nodded gently to him, absolutely beaming with a strong flow of bliss,
"Yes.  And I love you."
He was tearing up, overwhelmed by the feeling of it being okay to accept this love.  To feel that he did indeed deserve it.
"You love me?"  His smile was shaky, shy, and grateful beyond words.

Yaaaay!

Sunday
August 22nd

Went to the zoo! 

Received divine guidance via road signs and billboards:

• Experience Matters
• Change Experience
• Keep Right
  

Got Selenite!  ^-^

Was energetic and exuberant beyond measure while watching Mrs. Doubtfire last night.  I truly cherish all things. 

I love my life!

Strong spiritual focus today, especially after wine. 
Have done healer's mantra daily since start.
Danced much, showered much last 2 days. 
Wholesome foods. 

Sewed nutmilk bag and made almond milk.
Dreamt two nights ago of walking with Sean in a forest, asking,"What if Venus turned Purple and Neon Green?!"  ^-^!!!

Dream: Sean-Bryan. Church Disney Dusting.

Friday, August 20th
1:40pm

I was at a park, on a grassy hill with Sean and Bryan.  Bryan was talking about how, "This might or might not work out, and I thought it would be good to try.  I know, before, I said that it was no good and promises had been made, but that was wrong."  Sean was unresponsive.  Bryan jumped off of the hill, which had about a six foot tiny little cliff, and reached up to help me down.  I turned to Sean with a sort of,"This is okay.  And I want to see that YOU can see that this is okay before I go on" sort of look, and was reaching towards him to show him how focused I am on him and how much I care about how he feels about what I'm doing, and continued this as Bryan used one hand behind my upper back and another at my ankles to lower me to where I could jump on my own.  I was so focused on Sean and doing all I could to emphasize to him how safe the situation was and how much I cared that I didn't even blink.  I find the whole thing very symbolic of my position in this whole trust situation and perhaps a message about a good way to go about it?

Anyway, then I wandered off into a nearby building, which ended up being a church.  Someone I knew was doing stand up comedy on a table in the middle of all the pews, but they turned into an old black guy (like a real life Uncle Ruckus but not as negative or... racist XD).  No one could really understand anything he was saying, but we all still thought he was really funny anyway, just his expression and general demeanor was hilarious.  There were only like four people in there, and I left the room to see what was going on elsewhere.

In the next room, it was like a fancy old house, like in an old historical home how everything's super-antique.  It was like, the church's waiting room or something, because that's where all the people were, and they were just sitting around and not talking or anything.  I put the Lion King soundtrack on the Victrola and had only momentary mental flashes of "maybe I shouldn't be playing this here, maybe I should play church music" before deciding that The Circle of Life could teach them more and is a more passionate and accurate portrayal of a healthy belief system than most church music these days.  I started dusting.

I was dusting this huge, old, rectangular table made of a very thick, dark and rich wood, with ornate carvings all along the edges.  I had one of those really big, long, fluffy dusters and was sweeping away the salt I'd sprinkled over it in a circle at some unremembered time.  As I did this I made sure to put a sacred symbol of protection that I work with on a daily basis all around the table so that it would still be protected when the salt was removed.  This was the most vivid part of the dream, which I was most engaged with.  I went around the table counterclockwise, lifting teacups and table decorations as I delightedly brought the gleaming cherry surface out from its thin blanket of fluff.  All while The Circle of Life ran its course and was replaced by some song not actually in the usual version of The Lion King that had some questionable lyrics acceptance-wise for the white haired old ladies at the table.  But I ignored it and, having reached the end of my dusting circle, looked up to see Amy.  HI AMY!

She was wearing a lovely white gown that was pinched tight at the back with a clip like they do in the dress shops, and was barefoot.  At first glance I thought she was wearing one sock, and I told her this.  She stressed her barefootedness and told me about how she loved her dress so much, and how when she gets married she's going to the mall for her wedding dress because of how beautiful this one (from there) was.  It did even have a slight train, with those fancy embroidered holes and a few pearls placed strategically around them in swirls and whatnot.  As I was speaking with her I noticed Aunt Sandy and Brandon sitting on a nearby fancy bench looking extremely tired.

There was another part of the dream where I was pulling into my mom's driveway (driving lols) and there were all these kids with lots of toys that I was trying to not kill with the car, and I kept trying to put it into park, but when I'd let off the break it was not in park, apparently, because it would continue to move a few inches forward.  But that's life, eh?

Really?  I just spent fifty minutes typing this?  Jeeeeez. 

Some events...

Sunday
August 15th
Night

Woke sluggishly at Aunt Donna's from Saturday's bonfire.  Sean and I crashed in Christian's room after some Chocovine (chocolate wine) and an Edmund FITZGERALD beer.  Much prancing around the fire.  Good chat about empathy with Aunt Donna.

Was truly moved to tears by the emotional view of The Fox and the Hound, with a friendship so strong they risk their lives for each other alwaaays.  Beautiful triumph of LOVE.

Sean took me to the rain-forest today where we saw many wondrous plants and animals.  We made beautiful FUN love and were joyously connected all day.  Had naked sunshine time.  Searched for foxes.  Snuggled sooooooo much!